Story Archive

Monkey Do

Collier County, Fla., sheriff’s deputies responded to a report of a man pulling out a gun after a woman told him his vehicle was smoking. When they arrived, they found Mark Loescher, 51, still sitting in the driver’s seat of his car with a woman in the passenger seat. Deputies had difficulty getting him to comply with their orders. During the process, Loescher told them he was half orangutan and needed to call the “Fusion Center” to ask about his monkey blood. He also said he was the director of the CIA, Elvis Presley’s brother, and a good friend of “President Bush,” who he claims has the same attorney as he does. Loescher’s passenger was released, and deputies found a gun and bullets in Loescher’s vehicle, but no identification to show a connection to the CIA. (MS/Naples Daily News) ...Well duh: “they” don’t carry identification.