Story Archive

Apparently Still Sealed

Royal National Lifeboat crews were scrambled after reports of a face-down body in the water off Newquay, Cornwall, England. About 40 rescuers combed the water by boat and by air. “It was good information from a reliable source known to us and he was quite certain that it wasn’t a seal or anything like that,” said operations manager Gareth Horner. “The 999 caller gave accurate information which led to a successful search and a positive outcome.” Sort-of, anyway: the body they recovered was a fully dressed inflatable sex doll. “We would hope it got into the sea accidentally,” Horner noted. Last year, Newquay announced a “zero tolerance ban on sex dolls,” and that may be behind the event. “Everyone knows they have banned inflatable dolls in Newquay,” one observer noted, “so maybe the authorities spotted a stag party with one and they tried to quickly hide the evidence by throwing it into the harbor.” Rescue crews threw the recovered doll into the trash. (RC/BBC) ...Certainly no one wanted to do mouth-to-mouth on it.