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Rosie Palm and Her Five Sisters

Off-duty St. Petersburg, Fla., police officer Andrew Cane, 38, says he was absolutely not ...um... cranking on his cane in his personal vehicle in a public parking lot, despite a witness saying he was doing just that. Sure, Cane admitted, his genitals were not only exposed, but in his hand — but that’s all. He had simply pulled over into a tow-away zone to rest after teaching a class at the police academy, and fell asleep until a tow truck arrived to tow his car away; the driver woke him up by tapping on his window. Investigators said Cane had not “intended” to expose himself, and declined to press criminal charges against him. However, Cane, a four-year veteran, was suspended for two weeks, kicked off the department’s SWAT team and Honor Guard for a minimum of 18 months, and was mandated to seek help from the Employee’s Assistance Program to deal with his stress. (RC/Tampa Bay Times, WFLA Tampa) ...Oh — they offer chicken choking services? Why didn’t they say that four years ago?