Story Archive

Wait, There’s More!

A man hobbled on crutches into a bar in Tallahassee, Fla., and ordered a beer. He tried to pay for it using a rock, and when that didn’t go over well, he tore up a $1 bill and threw it at an employee. He said he had been “shot up in the war,” but wouldn’t say which branch of the military he was in, since “if I tell you I have to kill you.” He was told to leave. A short time later the man came back dressed in a suit and carrying a briefcase, which he set down and allegedly said, “anyone who goes near this will die.” Thinking there was a bomb inside, everyone fled the bar, and someone called the police, who brought in the bomb squad. Before police arrived the man also exited — and not only didn’t use his crutches, but also was doing handstands. Jared M. Simpson, 23, was arrested and charged with making false bomb threats, petty theft, and disorderly conduct, and the bomb squad reported there was no bomb in the briefcase. (RC/Tallahassee Democrat) ...Because to be featured in a This is True Florida story, “drink and dash” just isn’t weird enough.