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SINCE 1994 and reaching 109,810 subscribers (up 847 from last week) in over 200 countries, this is the 741st weekly issue of... THIS is TRUE: 24 August 2008 Copyright http://www.thisistrue.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ROBBERY HOW-NOT-TO II: When the Superior Bank in Elkmont, Ala., was robbed, Limestone County sheriff's deputies quickly spotted the suspect and gave chase. The alleged robber was caught, treated at a hospital, and then jailed. Sheriff Mike Blakely recognized the man: he had arrested Timothy Lynn Wallace, 38, 13 years ago -- for robbing the very same bank. He was convicted in that case and sentenced to 12 years in prison. Blakely remembers that the first time it took three or four hours to catch Wallace after the robbery. This time, it only took minutes. "I don't know if we're getting better or he's getting worse," Blakely said. (Huntsville Times, Athens News-Courier) ...Police procedural rule No. 278: If you don't take credit, the other guy gets it by default. HARD AT WORK: A police officer in Beaumont, Texas, has gone to court to contest his suspension for having sex with prostitutes on duty. Officer Keith Breiner, one of four officers suspended by the department, says he was ordered to have sex in a prostitution sting case on at least five occasions, and his wife testified she knew what was going on and approved. But "There does not appear to me to be a logical, work- related reason to have repeated sex with prostitutes in order to make a misdemeanor case," testified Beaumont Police Chief Frank Coffin. Breiner's lawyer said his client had an exemplary record, reading from one evaluation that Breiner "eagerly completes all assignments given to him and offers to help other officers." (Beaumont Enterprise) ...And that's supposed to help his case? ----------==========**********O**********==========---------- YOU'VE LOST YOUR EXCUSE NOT TO DO BACKUPS! A full terabyte of storage that plugs into your USB port. Are your important files backed up? Tax returns, videos, photos? Get 1,000 gigabytes of extra storage for *under* $200 -- 50% off! http://www.ThisIsTrue.net/d-terabyte ----------==========**********O**********==========---------- JUST THOUGHT I'D DROP IN: "I was sitting in the rocker across from the front door when I heard a loud roar," said Beverly Rodrigue of Chackbay, La. "I could tell it was a wreck" by the sound, and when she went outside she found the crashed car, but no one was in it. "I told my neighbor I couldn't find anybody, and she said to look on the roof. And there he was." Sure enough, Darrell Favorite, 39, was ejected in the crash, and landed on Rodrigue's roof. His injuries were so minor that he did not need hospital treatment. State troopers cited him for drunk driving -- and not wearing a seat belt. (Houma Courier) ...And "flight to avoid prosecution." SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY: The Butler County, Ky., sheriff had a warrant for the arrest of Joe Oros III, wanted for jumping bail on a drunk driving charge, and they got word that Oros was being held in California. Sheriff Joe Gaddie told California authorities he'd come out to get him. Gaddie and a deputy drove a squad car for the 4,100-mile trip to collect their prisoner, who insisted he was not wanted in Kentucky. "Every convict has a story," Gaddie said, dismissing the claim. But upon arriving in Kentucky, they discovered Oros was the victim of identity theft, and they really did have the wrong guy. Oros was flown back to California, and is considering suing the county. His lawyer notes that if Gaddie had simply brought a mug shot of the wanted man, he would have immediately realized the mistaken identity. Meanwhile, Oros said he liked Kentucky: "It's so green, and the people are so nice," he said. "I just might move there." (Louisville Courier-Journal) ...Maybe for the settlement, Gaddie will help him move. BA-GAWK! "Police: Man Arrested after Chicken Was Found in Pants" -- Palm Springs (Calif.) Desert Sun headline DID YOU FIND an error? See http://www.thisistrue.com/errata.html THE LATEST VIDEO is quite the hoot: comments so far include "Best. Tagline. Ever!" and "Best Easter Egg yet!" (That's the little extra prize at the end.) All in all, I'm pretty happy with the latest effort: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9TVFY3q1gE DURING THE YAHOO MESS, I noted that the only way to be sure to get an issue every week was to upgrade to Premium. Little did I know that I'd cancel a free issue so soon after that -- but indeed that's what happened last week. The full explanation, including a scan of my EKG from the ambulance (don't worry: I'm OK now), is on my blog: http://www.thisistrue.com/blog-missing_in_action.html So, all of last week's plus half of this week's means you missed quite a few stories -- all of which the Premium subscribers got to read: The woman threatened over her "got milk?" parody gets revenge in her statement to the press. U.S. Congressman puts his foot in his mouth on food aid for Darfur. Man busted for drunk driving decides to drink something quite unusual at the police station. Airline passes test package marked "BOMB" through several levels of security. Man busted for drunk driving is not your average Joe. Not only are the Olympics over, but so are Colorado's 10th Cemetery Skills Competition. "Artwork" accidentally takes flight in storm. Lost 5-year-old boy takes refuge in (cough) place of comfort. Robber dressed as a woman escapes with less money than he came in with. Robber's weapon of choice: a box of Jell-O (empty!) -- which somehow didn't intimidate his victim. Preacher keeps on with his sermon, even though he knew his daughter was on her way to the police to tell about his allegedly murdering her mother -- for discovering their incest. And man calls 911 -- twice -- to report that he had been robbed ...by a slot machine in a casino. Whew! That's a LOT of stories that ended up being Premium-only. You can still read them, though: ask for your Upgrade to start with the 17 August issue: http://www.thisistrue.com/upgrade.html -- and eliminate the very real risk of missing more issues in the future. Which is a nice spiff in addition to the usual benefit of getting twice as many stories every week! o o o ANOTHER ISSUE OF the True Stella Awards was released this week. If you missed it, http://www.StellaAwards.com/sample.html has a copy. AND AMONG THE LATEST postings to Jumbo Joke: Two Twosomes are out golfing and.... http://www.JumboJoke.com ----------==========**********O**********==========---------- GET FLOWERS DELIVERED FAST FOR LESS! Roses, Lillies, Sunflowers, Plants and Gourmet Gifts. THIS IS TRUE READER SPECIAL: get 10% off on all orders at Flowers Fast when you enter this discount code: TRUE at http://www.ThisIsTrue.net/d-ffast ----------==========**********O**********==========---------- TEN YEARS AGO IN TRUE: Woman sues her psychiatrist when "I began to add a few things up and realized there was no way I could come from a little town in Iowa, be eating 2,000 people a year, and nobody said anything about it." http://www.thisistrue.com/sybil_squared_6106.html BONZER WEB SITE OF THE WEEK: http://www.PCPitStop.com -- PCPitStop: Tools to analyze and improve the performance of your Windows-based PC. Their flagship product is Optimize, which identifies junk files, analyzes your Internet performance and browser settings, and recommends changes to speed up your web browsing. It identifies unnecessary programs which slow your system at startup. It identifies registry errors and changes to Windows settings that can improve your system performance. You need to view the site with an IE browser to run the free diagnostics as it uses ActiveX to do your system analysis. You will get a list of fixes that you have to implement yourself. Be warned, if you run the full version of the Optimize health check you are given a BIG list of fixes; it will do for you but you need to purchase the software to actually fix them. I couldn't resist and found the software worked seamlessly and the fixes did improve my system performance and browsing speed noticeably. Their recommendations are based on the measured performance of your PC and the speed of your Internet connection, so you are getting relevant recommendations rather then a standard library of fixes. Additionally, they have tools for checking your drive health, scanning for spyware, and more. A comprehensive site with lots of information and tools to help keep your PC in tip-top condition. (ME) -- Bonzer Sites archive: http://www.BonzerSites.com THIS WEEK'S HONORARY UNSUBSCRIBE goes to Laurence Urdang. Urdang loved words and language, and in graduate school studied Russian, German, Latin, Greek, Sanskrit and Polish. He taught linguistics for several years, but decided to change careers: he became an editor of dictionaries. After cutting his teeth at Funk and Wagnalls, he moved to Random House where he was in charge of a new project: the gigantic (9.25-pound, 2,091-page) unabridged Random House Dictionary of the English Language, published in 1966. It was the first major dictionary to be organized by a computer. But Urdang didn't rest on that laurel; he founded his own publishing company in 1969, and 1974 he started a newsletter on language, "Verbatim", which I discovered shortly after high school. It helped me realize that I too loved the power of language, which led me to drop my career in Emergency Medical Services and return to college at 21 -- Journalism school, so I could learn to research and write quickly. I turned those skills toward my own newsletter, "This is True". Urdang's company published more than 150 dictionaries and language reference books. He died August 21 from congestive heart failure at 81. AND SO LONG to Dave Freeman, co-author of "100 Things to Do Before You Die" -- who died August 17 from a head injury sustained in a fall. He was 47, and had only made it through about half the items on his list. -- Honorary Unsubscribe archive: http://www.HonoraryUnsubscribe.com YOU CAN REALLY HELP TRUE: Send this issue (in its entirety, please) to a friend with your personal recommendation. A friend told YOU about this newsletter, right? Pass the favor on! Thanks. TIRED OF BEING TOLD WHERE TO GO? "Get Out of Hell Free" with our popular and (in?)famous cards, created in response to a reader telling Randy he was doomed. http://www.GOOHF.com SUBSCRIPTIONS to "This is True" are free at http://www.thisistrue.com Published weekly by ThisIsTrue.Inc, PO Box 666, Ridgway CO 81432 USA (ISSN 1521-1932). TRUE is available to newspapers as a regular feature column. "This is True" is a registered trademark of ThisIsTrue.Inc COPYRIGHT 2008 by Randy Cassingham, All Rights Reserved. All stories are completely rewritten by Randy Cassingham using facts from the noted sources. 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