Story Archive

Christmas Miracle

“Everyone on the street is delighted,” says an unidentified woman in Maidstone and Snodland in southern England. “We are planning to have an estate party to celebrate them being locked up.” Their delight is from an entire family on their street finally being imprisoned — just in time for Christmas. The father of the family is long dead. Mum Lesley Selwood, 54, and her son Lee, 31, are behind bars for several months for “affray.” Son Jason Selwood, 33, was imprisoned for 6 years for trying to blow up an ATM to get the cash inside; Darren Selwood, 34, is behind bars for 15 months after stabbing a friend who had the temerity to ask for some of his steak dinner (after 17 previous convictions for various offenses, such as stomping on a man’s head and leaving him brain-damaged). Daughter Kelly, 29, recently got out after squirting toilet cleaner on a neighbor who complained about her loud music. “They need to be cut some slack,” Lesley whined, because “it’s Christmas.” No, “They are feral scumbags, scum of the Earth,” the boys’ aunt retorted. “I am delighted to see they are behind bars — Merry Christmas to them all.” (RC/Kent Messenger) ...Family and neighbors seem confident the Selwoods don’t read the newspaper — and they’re surely correct.