Story Archive

Give Me a Mountain, Give Me a Dew

“Jesus is here, he’s back to Earth,” said a 911 caller in High Point, N.C. Wait... what? “Yes, this is Jesus Christ and I just broke into the Pizza Hut,” the 4:30 a.m. caller said. “I just broke in and had a pizza. I’m Jesus.” That, and “a Mountain Dew.” His address? “Heaven,” of course. Well, why? the dispatcher asked. “Because I’m Jesus! I can do whatever I want!” the caller said. That, and “I’m starving to death.” Officers were dispatched to the restaurant and found Richard Lee Quintero, 46 — aka “Jesus” — still there. He complained that he’s “tired of the Judases on this Earth” and “everybody’s been treating me mean.” Quintero was arrested, charged with breaking and entering and larceny, and held on $1,000 bond. (RC/WFMY Greensboro) ...In the Book of John, Jesus turned water into wine. In High Point, N.C., He had to make do with Mountain Dew.