True sometimes covers “difficult” subjects, such as this week’s Predatory Pair of Pastors, which stories appear below. This post is about why I think it’s important to cover them, but maybe not for the reasons you think.
Let’s start with the stories, in the order they were presented in the newsletter.
Ultimatum
The 39-year-old man told the 13-year-old girl she must comply with his demands or else he’d kill his wife and himself. The child complied: court documents filed in Blount County, Ala., say Terry Lewayne Murphree of Oneonta raped the girl as many as 15 times over 4 months at his own home, the girl’s home, and the church where he served as Youth Pastor. Murphree is charged with 17 felony counts so far, and is being held without bail. His wife filed for divorce shortly before he was arrested. (RC/Birmingham News) …“You have three true enemies. Satan, the World and Yourself. Now ask which is your biggest enemy?” —Quotation Murphree posted on his Facebook page on March 24.
Mouthpiece
Robert Morris admits he engaged in “inappropriate sexual behavior” with Cindy Clemishire starting on Christmas 1982, after telling her to come to his room while staying at her family home. She did what the adult told her to do. He was 21 and recently married; she was 12, and says Morris molested her more than a hundred times over the next four and a half years. Morris went on to found the Gateway Church, a “megachurch” in Southlake, Texas. In 2005, after learning about “grooming” and realizing that’s what Morris did to her, Clemishire hired an attorney to file a claim against Morris, asking for $50,000 to pay for her psychological counseling. Morris also hired an attorney, J. Shelby Sharpe, to handle the matter. Through Sharpe, Morris offered a $25,000 settlement, but Clemishire refused to sign a nondisclosure agreement. She was also unhappy with what Sharpe said in a letter to her attorney to justify the lowball offer. “It was your client,” he wrote, referring to the then-12-year-old — “who initiated inappropriate behavior by coming into my client’s bedroom and getting in bed with him.” Talks broke down, and Clemishire gave Morris plenty of time to do the right thing before finally taking the case public last month. Morris has resigned as senior pastor of the church he founded in 2000. (RC/NBC) …Which is only the first step in doing the right thing.
Observations
It’s hard to say which man is worse, but let’s go in order, with Murder-Suicide Murphree first. One thing that struck me is that the church wasn’t mentioned in any of the stories I found about him and his crime.
That seems to be the decision of the Blount County Sheriff’s Office: at least one story I read said they had withheld that detail. But surely there’s something available with a deep Google search, like maybe a church bulletin? Not that I could find.
But plenty of people who posted about Murphree and his crimes on social media named the place: the First Independent Church of Oneonta. The church has a web site, but Murphree isn’t mentioned there. I checked the Internet Archive, which does have snapshots of the site …starting after Murphree was arrested.
He also has a Facebook page and, because he’s held without bail and his wife has left him, there is no one to make it private, so there are some vicious comments there. Probably by strangers, but there could be a friend or acquaintance included; hard to say.
Yet one thing is not there: any mention of his employment, or the church where he worked his evil ways. That was removed, perhaps by him before he was arrested. How do I know? Because when I searched, the Google index showed an old capture of the page, and there it is:
Of course, reasonable people can differ about whether the church should be named: is any of this “their fault”? Maybe not, but wouldn’t it be appropriate for them to make a statement? Or has everything that can be said about Predator Pastors been said already?
Well, I don’t think so. There needs to be news coverage of every such incident just like there should be news coverage of yet another car crash at 3rd & Main, since that eventually calls attention to the need for a traffic signal at that intersection. In the case of stories like this, some might have their faith affirmed; some might have their lack of faith confirmed.
Then There’s Morris
And what a dirtbag this guy is too. There is one little detail, one word in this story that led me to want to include it, even though you may already be aware of the story because it has made headlines for a couple of weeks now: grooming. The now-54-year-old Clemishire had no idea what that meant well into adulthood.
Part of grooming is convincing the child that what is happening to them at the hand of an adult is that they are made to believe everything is their fault, that the poor, poor adult could get into serious trouble for what the kid might say, so shhh!
Even the bastard’s wife was in on it. When Morris finally confessed his sins to his wife, Debbie, the woman called Clemishire and told her, “I forgive you,” she said. “I’ll never forget that,” she said. “They wanted me to believe that I — me, the child — was responsible for what happened. And they’ve never stopped trying to make me believe that.”
Why? Denial. It’s not her poor husband’s fault! Why, that wicked girl lured him into it! He’s a man of God! The 12-year-old is the predator, not the adult man who makes his living preaching about sin!
It’s worth reading the entire (and long) source story I used for my summary: Lawyer for Megachurch Pastor Blamed 12-year-old for Initiating ‘Inappropriate’ Sexual Conduct at NBC. And kudos to them for digging so deeply into this story.
Oh, and why has Morris not been prosecuted? Because of the Statute of Limitations in Texas and Oklahoma, where he committed the crimes. That is why I say that his resigning his pulpit is only the first step in doing the right thing. As of February, his estimated net worth was $117 million (source). You think maybe he could invest some of that in, say, the mental health care of the victims of Pastor Predators like himself? I sure as hell do.
So This is Why
This is why I report on such stories — perhaps even getting in your face about them, even though they are horribly uncomfortable to read (I hope!): you not only need to know about this, you need to pass it along to your children, or your grandchildren, even though such stories are horribly uncomfortable to talk about, too.
Kids — boys and girls alike — need to know that they can and should say no to things that make them uncomfortable, that adults know it’s wrong to involve children in their sick fantasies and urges, and that it’s wrong to tell any kid that the “secret” being forced upon them cannot be talked about with anyone else. It is OK to tell to a trusted adult. And it’s OK to walk out on such predators, no matter what they say.
Then tell them what to do next. Away from home? Then go to a neighbor to ask them to call the police because they aren’t safe. Tell a parent, or a teacher, or a cop. Whatever, that it’s OK to get away, and it’s OK to tell. That they are probably not the only ones they’re doing this to, and that other kid (or other kids plural!) need help too.
Yes, these are uncomfortable talks to have, but nothing in comparison to the lifelong discomfort those kids will go through if this happens to them, and you didn’t warn them. That is why I cover these stories: to give you fodder to help stop the perpetrators, and help the kids!
At least Murphree’s wife believed it when she discovered who her husband really is. Morris’s wife didn’t. She probably thought it was brave to “forgive” her husband’s victim. It wasn’t: it was despicable.
So last, I’ll just say that most stories in This is True aren’t this heavy: usually they’re pretty lighthearted. But now and then, when I see something that just makes me mad, like supposedly responsible adults sacrificing children to monsters, well, I’m going to stand up even if they didn’t …and I hope you support that. It needs to stop, and these children need to be believed.
Trigger Warnings?
I asked Premium subscribers whether they thought “Trigger Warnings” should be given to readers when there were “difficult stories” like these in a newsletter, and gave them several days to answer anonymously via a form. There were 1,034 responses — nowhere near 100 percent of the Premium readership, but a very good percentage. Their answers were:
- Yes: 354
- No: 528
- Unsure/Undecided: 152
So Yes was 34 percent. Frankly, if someone is “Unsure/Undecided” I’m taking that as a No, for a total of 66 percent.
I take that 1/3 as a fairly strong indication. Yet a remarkable number clicked “Yes” and then said something in the comments along the lines of, “I don’t need it, but others might” — even though right above the question, I specifically asked readers to only reply for themselves.
I’m going to speak plainly here: stop being patronizing! The people who are affected can answer for themselves. That adds a strong “discount” to the Yes answers.
I’m really heartened that so many of those who are survivors themselves have been the most vocal in supporting my publishing stories like this. I particularly wanted to know what they thought. Your answering for others doesn’t help, it confuses the issue. Stop it!
Comments That Helped Me Make My Policy
No names attached, since the poll was anonymous.
A very reliable podcast in the UK has researched this. The studies show that trigger warnings actually intensify the triggered feelings. (As an academic, I take issue with phrases like ‘studies show’ but they did not quote their sources, sorry!)
Definitely interesting.
Many topics beyond child abuse and sexual abuse may act as triggers, thus ‘warranting’ a warning. The problem becomes determining where to draw the line and decide that a story about animal abuse (for example) does or does not warrant a warning. What about any form of violence, death from any cause (human or not), auto accidents, eating disorders, etc.? Trigger warnings may actually be counterproductive in the sense that they allow people to avoid personally difficult topics rather than dealing with them. The human mind is remarkably resilient in the setting of mental trauma, but needs to be given the opportunity to deal with that trauma. Getting a trigger warning may prevent that opportunity from happening.
In other words, Pandora’s Box is a big aspect here. Hell, even the very phrase “Trigger Warning” could “trigger” someone affected by gun violence!
Disturbing subjects kind of come with your territory. I listened to a podcast not long ago about the genesis such warnings and I don’t believe it came from people who suffered trauma, that their triggers tend to be things associated with the actual trauma they experienced, like a location or time of day.
Right up there with my intuition in asking people to answer for themselves, not for the “victims” as they perceive them.
I haven’t talked a lot about it, but have mentioned that a particular call in my EMS career left me with “mild” PTSD. It involved a drunk driver going the wrong way on a freeway that hit (head-on, naturally) a carload of kids coming home from college for Christmas with their families.
While I was “down” for the Christmas season for many years afterward (hence my affection for Christmas Blues), it wasn’t a “trigger” — and neither has drunk drivers (have always abhorred them anyway), freeways (including that particular section of freeway), highway patrolmen (the one in charge of that scene was a particular asshole), Cadillacs (the drunk was driving one), etc., been “triggers” for me.
It was those Christmas Blues songs that let me reflect and, yes, mourn. They helped me process my emotions and enjoy the holidays again. Avoiding the subject wouldn’t have allowed that processing.
I’ve been through a lot of stuff in my life [examples deleted]. Whenever such stories are presented, I want to know them. It gives me a sense of comfort that I’m not the only one out there that has been through these things. I want to know the details, and I want to hear about other peoples’ coping mechanisms. For me, I consider these topics to be important and necessary to explore and talk about for personal healing. I prefer to use my stories much in the same way I consume them, with the hope of comforting someone in anguish and giving hope that it can get better. And if I’m doing it right, I’m providing a road map to help others navigate the lingering pain of what they are going through. I feel that claiming to be triggered would interfere with healing. Nobody needs to suffer alone and in silence, there are so many people that have found coping mechanisms. We should let their stories be shared far and wide and without ‘trigger warnings’. Let’s have some public discourse on these topics. Maybe we can prevent some of these things from happening in future generations.
As you’ve all already read, that’s my entire point of covering such stories.
And frankly, I can’t recall of any instances where I published such a story and had a reader say they were “triggered” and put into any sort of distress, while many have written to tell me of their own stories, and urge me to continue publishing such stories.
Aside: that so many have told me their stories, almost always from their real email addresses with their real names attached, is humbling: it means they trust me to know something that society has (wrongly!) shunned them for.
Thus, My “Policy”
After hearing from so many who have lived through trauma, and thinking back upon my own, my decision is that no, I won’t be adding trigger warnings unless I feel something is particularly heinous, and I tend to not publish such stories anyway unless there is a very specific reason for doing so.
Thanks much to those weighing in.
Note: I trashed several comments discussing whether or how I might do trigger warnings as they were mooted by the discussion here. Not to mention that I asked them in this space to wait for this update first!
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This needs a trigger warning — a trigger warning to do something.
As a Knight of Columbus I want to encourage *all* KofC volunteers to go to this training.
Learning about grooming is the easiest response to this. Then follow through on it. If you see something, say something.
Zero tolerance is not a solution, but some behaviors simply NEVER should be tolerated.
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For non-Catholics, the Knights of Columbus is a global Catholic fraternal service order founded in 1882, named after Christopher Columbus. I’m glad to see they have been stepping up to fight for the victims, and hopefully preventing many from becoming victims in the first place. -rc
Has anyone else noticed the strong resemblance of the child victim to the rapist’s wife?
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As a matter of fact…. -rc
TRUE is entertaining but it can also flag real problems that need immediate solutions. Life can be really serious and we need to pay attention!
Keep up the good work, even when it is difficult.
If you do end up including a trigger warning where appropriate, it might also be good to include a short précis of this blog entry just after.
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Or perhaps more simply, a link. -rc
I understand why this sapped your emotional energy. Just reading this took a toll on me, moreso than the two stories in the premium edition. Too much “BTDT” for me, both as victim as a child and confronter / exposer / reporter as adult. But these things need to be said, need to be brought to the forefront, and not silenced any longer. Thank you for being another voice.
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I’m glad to stand beside you — with (I hope) a bit brighter of a light on you, since you’ve been there. Thanks. -rc
I worked in behavioral health for several years early in my career. Many of the patients we treated, both women and men, were survivors of childhood sexual abuse. For all of them, their unresolved guilt about “allowing” it to happen was the most challenging aspect of treatment. It happens much more frequently than most of us realize. It is hidden by perpetrators and victims as well as family members that discover the behavior.
If, as with True, you have a platform to speak out, do so. Yes, sexual abuse is a difficult subject, Yes, no one likes to think about it. That will not make it go away. Address the issue openly. Believe children when they say anything that suggests the possibility. Let them know that they will be safe when they tell the truth. Notify authorities. Take action; silence can be deadly.
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Thanks for the look from your perspective. As I’m sure you would agree, not only does silence not make it go away, it allows it to continue. The only moral thing to do is to watch out, and speak out. -rc
Another tip from my years in child welfare work — it usually doesn’t start with an inappropriate touch or sexual request. It starts with “can you keep a secret?” And the secret is something little, like “I bought you this ice cream cone but you can’t tell your parents I let you have it because it’ll spoil your dinner, so it’s our little secret, OK?” Ask your children to tell you when someone older’s asked them to keep a secret, and if they do, then tell that person you don’t want your child keeping their secrets. They’ll be on notice that your child WILL tell if they do worse.
I’m glad you cover these stories, difficult as they are. It’s important to make people aware that the most common risks to children are not strangers, LGBTQ+ people, or immigrants, they are more likely to be “pillars of the community” or “friends” of the family.
As a victim of grooming IN A CHURCH, I’m glad to see this information being shared. I went to my parents and told them what was happening. And they said, “Oh, Brother Wayne is just huggy!” I figured out to stay away from that POS and wasn’t physically harmed. But I’m still angry that my discomfort and fright was passed off as affection.
Brother Wayne died in prison where he was sent after getting caught, uh, hugging his own grandson. Who, as it turned out, was his son, too.
Other people came forward with Brother Wayne stories. Seems he’d been ‘huggy’ for years.
YES post these stories. One of the blogs I read posts ‘Black Collar Crime’ frequently. More of the same, of course. And quite often the victims are blamed.
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I hope some doubters read this and get hit right between the eyes with your story. I’m SO glad ‘Brother Wayne’ went to prison for the rest of his life. It stopped him from finding new victims, but left a lot of broken lives in his wake. Thank you for telling a bit of your story. -rc
Thank you for being a “Responsible Adult”. And a more responsible reporter.
I have to wonder about the differences in the reporting of these 2 crimes. Does the obvious $$ surrounding Morris make the difference? Did Murphree “luck out” by living in a small town where the big-city news organization only paid lip service to reporting the news by reciting “just the facts that we are fed”?
We need to think (which, of course is what This is True is all about).
Truth is “The Truth, The Whole Truth (leaving nothing out), and Nothing but the Truth (adding nothing else).”
I have to admit, there’s a part of me that’s not surprised by the fact that Murphree’s church hasn’t made a statement about it — and that Morris not only resigned rather than was told to leave but (according to a sidebar in that article you linked to) one of the board members said that “accepting [Morris’] resignation was one of the hardest decisions of [his] life”. They’re independent churches, after all, not ones under a denomination — and therefore a regulatory body. Which means they don’t have to answer to anyone but themselves and God…which in turn means that if they decide God has forgiven them, there’s nothing more that needs doing.
Which is not to say that denominations are free from sin or whatever. Far from it. As a matter of fact, my mother is currently drafting a letter to the bishop of our diocese to explain why our former pastor shouldn’t ever be allowed to preach again. About the only good things you can say are that — as far as we know — he never progressed as far as actual sex with any of the women he groomed, and that none of them were children.
Definitely keep talking about difficult subjects. After all, your newsletter is “This Is True”, not “This Is Palatable”.
I am a survivor myself. As a child from mental abuse from my alcoholic Dad & a co-addicted Mom with no clue what to do.
Later on the way to find love, starting in my teens & going on nearly to my 40s, I was in risky situations and suffered ever so often cause I didn‘t learn to say no.
After 14 years of DBT & a very cool psychiatrist, I overcame most of it.
If I only sense a flair of suspicion, no matter of what kind of abuse, I ask directly & offer my help anytime.
We can‘t be silenced into guilt & live in suffering.
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Hear hear. For others who wonder, they can read about Dialectical Behavior Therapy. -rc
Sadly there can be another element. In case here a few years ago a man was abusing his wife’s daughter by her first husband. The wife kept quiet because she was scared of him and his violent temper but depended on him financially.
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So, she felt OK with essentially pimping out her daughter. Mommy dearest. -rc
These stories need to be reported, loudly and clearly. If the local media are scared to disrupt the status quo, and the national media don’t see any money in it, then it’s up to people like you to shed some light on what is happening.
Keep up the good work. It may only be one such animal at a time, but that’s one less predator taking advantage of the helpless. And each time one is exposed, perhaps that’s one more potential predator who thinks twice or one more victim who thinks there is hope and comes forward.
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Yes, it’s another good reason to make them understand they are much more easily caught these days, and the prison terms are harsh. There’s only one way I *can* “keep up the good work,” and you are one of those making it happen by supporting TRUE with a Premium subscription. Thanks, Ray. -rc
As a committed Christian and father of two daughters, I totally support outing these type of pastors.
As regards trigger warnings, my mama once told me “it’s easier to put on shoes than to carpet the world.” I’d add to that pithy thought the notion that it’s more than a little rude to demand that everyone else carpet the world for you. But that’s just me. I don’t post trigger warnings and I don’t post spoiler warnings. Caveat lector.
I may be too blunt, but the wife of pastor Morris in Southlake, Texas could simply have had 117 million reasons to go along with her husbands crimes.
As a mentor of teenagers who have had some dreadful experiences (One young girl raped by her father, plus others with problems caused by inappropriate predatory behaviour by so-called adults) I think that all cases like these should be made public in as many ways possible (Obviously without identifying the victim). Both girls and boys suffer from this predation. I can’t think which is worse, family members or friends(?) or members of the clergy, these bastards deserve to be subject to social as well as legal punishment. We also need to provide all the help these victims need without further cost to them — whatever the financial cost to our society.
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Thanks for being a good role model for teens. -rc
When I was a child I was molested, and told not to say anything either. It took a long time to realize I didn’t do anything wrong. And I’m at peace now. As for me, I like the idea of difficult stories. I don’t need to be warned about trigger effects. I am so glad you are posting stories like this, and with ideas on how to combat the ugly side of life. Major Kudos to you! Thank you for all the intriguing stories throughout the years. You are the best.
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Thanks much for your informed feedback (and kind words). -rc
Long story short, riving to work one morning I saw a single truck accident and tried to help but the driver died. I was told he was dead before the medical got him out. Because I did CPR on him, I could smell his cologne very well. If I catch that smell in a store it always puts a hitch in my step and a catch to my breath.
I can’t imagine the “triggers” you would have as an EMT.
BTW, his wife called me about a year afterwards. She got my name from the police report. She told me she understood there was nothing I could do but she was glad to know he wasn’t alone. I hung up and cried right there on my steps.
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I want to make sure you understand something, Steve. You gave that wife something wonderful to hold onto amid her tragedy: she knows someone cared, someone tried, that there was nothing more that could be done, and that someone was with her husband when he died. That’s HUGE. It’s a positive in a steaming pile of negative that will stay with her for the rest of her life, and be part of the story for the rest of the family, and their friends. Not everyone has that much to hold onto.
Yes, medics of all levels and other first responders will certainly develop “triggers” — and in many cases come away with PTSD. As others have said here, no one can predict what that “trigger” may be, and we all have to learn how to deal with them, just as crime victims, those injured by (or witnesses of) accidents, parental abuse survivors, (continue list to infinity). It’s part of being human, and hopefully we are able to heal sooner than later. Thanks for helping one family to heal, and I hope you have healed too. -rc
A note: I’m late to the party, I know. For reasons, I often end up building up a backlog of True, and then reading several weeks at a shot.
I’d like to include a hearty NO to trigger warnings. We’ve spent the last 2-3 decades coddling people until no one has any ability to deal with unpleasant things, or is so thin-skinned they are insulted by anything. People need to learn to deal with unpleasant things, and that requires exposure to those things.
Thanks for the opportunity to voice my opinion, and keep up the great work!
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Well, you’re late in that “everyone” is now late in that the decision has been made, but for a different reason. While some really can be triggered, I concluded it’s impossible to know who might be triggered by what, and so I simply must tackle “difficult subjects” as I see fit. -rc