There were two wonderful stories in this week’s issue that really go nicely together. And one has a photo that has to be seen to be believed. Let’s start with the stories, from True’s 15 January 2012 issue:
Tempest in a C Cup
Police in Mesa, Ariz., pulled over a car at 2:00 a.m. during a search for a suspect wanted for weapons violations. When an officer asked the people in the car if they had any weapons, Angela Lynn Milhoan, 20, admitted she had a .22-caliber semi-automatic pistol in her right bra cup. She was arrested: it’s not only illegal for someone under 21 to carry a concealed weapon, but police say Milhoan is a felon, and is therefore prohibited from possessing weapons. (RC/Arizona Republic) …The magazine full of ammo? Leftit, naturally.
A lot of guys are hoping for a mug shot of Miss Milhoan, but that’s not what I have for you today. Read on. Right on the heels of that story is this one:
Rectum, Hell — It Damn Near Killed ’Im!
A North Carolina state trooper spotted a man wanted in Georgia on a murder charge. When the trooper and a backup unit got the man pulled over, the suspect rolled up his windows and locked his door; the troopers forced the door open and had to subdue Michael Ward with a Taser. Ward allegedly gave a false name during his booking, and was strip-searched, and no contraband was found. When Ward complained of heart problems and said he couldn’t walk, he was taken to a hospital. He was released back to custody after a checkup. Through all of this, no one found the full-sized .38-caliber revolver that Ward had hidden “in a body cavity,” as WECT-TV delicately put it. The gun was discovered the next day during a cell check; Ward was returned to the hospital for another checkup to ensure the gun didn’t do any damage. The gun, investigators say, was not loaded, but was “in operational condition.” (RC/WECT Wilmington) …The six empty tubes of KY Jelly in his car should have been a clue.
Now, a mug shot might be interesting, but really it’s rather humdrum:
Brace Yourself
No, it’s this photo that will make a lot of people gasp (or at least wince!):
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Six tubes of lube just wouldn’t be enough for mortal men!
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Hmmm… maybe someone told him to “shove it up your big fat a…”.
Looks like an old S&W Victory or N model. A real nasty way to treat a fine classic weapon.
If some thug pulled one on me, I would probably tell him where to shove the thing. Looks like this guy took someone’s advice to heart.
Still, a cruel way to treat a nice revolver.
The capacity of his cavity suggests that he may have experienced life behind bars already….
No wonder he complained of “heart problems and said he couldn’t walk”. I felt the same after looking at the ruler….
Perhaps a more likely explanation is that the police don’t want to admit they missed the weapon when there were allegedly searching him? “It must have been in a body cavity” could be what they’re saying to keep their jobs.
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I don’t think that’s too easily faked. -rc
To have a rectal orifice THAT LARGE, he’s either an ex-con, who spent too much time in the showers, or a D.C. POLITICIAN with “cranio-rectal inversion”!! You can figure THAT one out yourself.
Can we say that all his problems are behind him?
So far, nobody’s mentioned the young lady with the gun concealed in her bra. So let me say this about that:
If you’ve gotit, flauntit.
(Right cup, Clyde.)
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There has been surprisingly little comment about my tag on that story! -rc
OUCH! That would put childbirth to shame and I have had two kids!
Actually I rather liked the tag line for the bra/holster story. I just wonder what her boyfriend might have thought during an amorous session. Back to Mae West, is that a flashlight in your pocket… you know the rest. Is that a gun in your bra or WHAT?
It seems that Michael was tryin to give new meaning to “Blow it Out Your Ass”.
I’m guessing he’s not known as Quick Draw Ward though.
I’m surprised you haven’t caught any flak for your caption under the mugshot.
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Huh? It’s not a bizarre mug shot, as is typical here. Reading anything more than that into the caption is absurd. -rc
I’ve been told of the ultimate fate of firearms after an arrest, and I have had a type of remorse for them. I really do understand the logic and agree with it, though I have an appreciation for guns. But given the journey of these firearms, I’m glad that they will be destroyed. I shudder to think of holding either after they have been….
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I can understand the second one, but I wouldn’t have any problem handling the first one. -rc
Just thinking about where that could be hurts. I have had a constant headache since December 27, on heavy prescription medication for it. He must have had a very trustworthy friend help him get it up there.
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The very thought is boggling. -rc
What kind of a***hole would do that to a fine gun?
You want more comments on the first story? Okay, fine….
First, given that I live in the suburbs of Washington DC, where so many companies and agencies and departments and bureaus and programs and so on and so forth go by acronyms, I can’t help but note that it’s rather apropos for This Is True.
Second, you may have heard of Thunderwear, a holster that goes down the front of the pants. However, this story reminds me of a similar but newer product, the Flash-Bang Holster. It straps onto an underwire bra.
So instead of a 38 she only had a 22 eh?
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I figured it was only a matter of time before the “pair of .44s” jokes started. -rc
It could ahve been worse, the gun in the cup coulda been a “Boobie trap”.
Well played!
Lucky that Michael Ward in the second story didn’t blow his brains out!!
OK, so I actually didn’t get the joke on the bra gun. Leftit, Left Tit, all good so far, but there’s clearly a second meaning and a reason why you ran the words together — is it a brand of ammunition or something? Google for once helped very little. Closest fit was a guy making a joke about “leftit at home”.
The gun butt guy — wow. Plus size butt plug for him, I guess. Maybe his boyfriend misunderstood an instruction….
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You’re overthinking leftit. You got the one meaning, but “at home” is the clue to the second meaning: left it (or “forgot it”) at home. -rc
That gun looks like a piece of crap. (Sorry — couldn’t help myself.)
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I came this close to making the same comment in the tagline. -rc
On the second story, am I the only one who wonders if it was inserted barrel first, handle first, or what? If none of the firearm was protruding, such that it could have been missed during a search, he must put Goatse to shame. If you don’t know Goatse, Google it, but have brain bleach handy.
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I don’t think I dare. -rc
They found the revolver during a cell check? I’m surprised they didn’t hear screaming bloody murder as he passed it! Papillon would be proud of his accomplishment.
I’ve heard of colon cleansers, but this was way ‘up’ there!
BTW, I loved the comment on the “TEMPEST IN A C CUP”!
At least he didn’t shoot his ass off!
Taking concealed carry to the extreme!