Story Archive

The Obliviocy — It Burns!

Pennsylvania State Troopers were called to a disturbance in Lamar Township where, they say, a man was shooting his revolver in the air to scare off the “aliens” who were firing “green lasers” at him and his girlfriend. The couple had run to a neighbor’s house to ask them to call 911 for help. As they pieced the story together, troopers say they were able to figure out the aliens and lasers were actually fireflies, and Jesse Shields, 30, and Katherine McCloskey, 22, were high on “bath salts.” The homeowner was able to get the gun away from Shields, who seemed OK with that: he asked if he could take a shower to get the “goo” off of his skin, because it burned. The couple was jailed to sober up, and face several charges. (RC/WBRE Wilkes Barre) ...If only he had bought real bath salts instead, and settled into his own tub.