One of the stories in this week’s column is notable for two reasons. One of them is the guy’s mug shot.
Influential
I have a confession to make: the mug shot influenced my tagline. I think the tag stands pretty well on its own as a reaction to the story, but I have to say the police photo really adds to it.
While I don’t tend to make fun of people’s names, sometimes the person in the story is just …well… perfectly named. Some people call such coincidences “namefreaks.” I call them “Freaks of Nomenclature.”
And you’ll get the idea behind both aspects after you read the story. Read it first, before you scroll down to see his photo. Trust me: it’s worth it!
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Men’s Parts
An 88-year-old woman in Gresham, Ore., confronted an intruder in her home. The man, who wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing, grabbed her and pushed her face-first into a livingroom chair. The unnamed woman took her fate into her own hands: she reached back and grabbed the intruder’s “cahoochies” (as Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office spokesman Paul McRedmond put it), “giving him a good squeeze.” The man “tore free and ran back out the way he had come in,” but deputies were nearby and arrested a 46-year-old man on charges of burglary, harassment and indecency. His name: Michael Gordon Dick. (Gresham Outlook) …His eyes are no longer crossed, but it’ll be another week before he’ll be able to close them.
And the photo, courtesy of the Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office:
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Wow….. The line and the purple tent to his dome couldn’t have been more perfect. Maybe this is why my mom always told me to never put my hat on too tight.
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Yeah: cuts off circulation to your brain, and then you do stupid things. -rc
MEN’S PARTS… The police probably were alerted by him yelling his name… MIKE DICK! MIKE DICK!
Ever noticed how guys named “Dick” usually are?
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I was once walking down a hallway at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory and passed by someone’s cubicle just as a phone call connected. The guy said in a loud voice, “Big Al? Big Dick here!” I don’t know if the guy was a …uh… “dick” or not, but he certainly had balls…. -rc
RC You warned us to put down the coffee before we watch video 31. Well you forgot to put it down before viewing the mug shot.
your tagline very apropos
Wow! The glassy vacant stare says it all… “This pain in my ‘nads won’t go away, and I can’t remember how I got it.”
With his expression, all I can think of is a scene from the Clint Eastwood movie, “The Dead Pool”, where a rape counselor is giving self-defense classes to some women. She uses a dummy for demonstration, and when she kicks the dummy between the legs, the dummy’s eyes suddenly light up like the “TILT” on a pinball machine.
And it probably took another week for his voice to return to a deeper pitch.