A Failure to Grasp Reality

You know I write about idiots every week, but it’s not all that often that I have to actually deal with them one on one, in real time. But I had one today. My “other” publication, as you probably know, is the True Stella Awards, which details real-but-stupid lawsuits.

Every year the Stellar Awards Gospel Music Academy (“SAGMA” — a lovely acronym to be sure) gives out the Stellar Gospel Music Awards, which are apparently simply called “the Stellar Awards” on TV.

Uh oh…

The culmination of the Stella Awards: my book on crazy lawsuits, and what they say about us all.

It’s astounding how many people come to the Stella Awards web site looking for information on gospel music. And sure, I can understand that some of these people get to my site, see that they made a mistake, have a laugh — and decide that the topic is interesting and want to sign up for a free subscription.

But that doesn’t explain the phone calls.

What kind of idiot does it take to get to the site, see it doesn’t have anything to do with gospel music, yet dig around on the site enough to find a phone number and call it to ask questions about gospel music?! But indeed, a woman called and asked if this was the Stella Awards, and I said yes. She then asked who the host was on the last TV awards show.

Since I’ve gotten this before, I said “This is the Stell-UH Awards, not the Stell-UR Awards.” p a u s e “How do you spell that?” “S-T-E-L-L-A,” I said, figuring that when she figured out there was no “R” in there, it would put an end to the call. “Oh,” she replied. Just as I was about to hang up, she said, “Well, who was the host on the awards show last year?”

Stella is stellar, but not Stellar, and that’s the gospel truth!

So for those of you who actually have to deal with morons on a day to day basis (hello, retail clerks?), I salute you. If I actually had to be polite to such idiots day after day, I’d be insane by now.

Yeah, the ever-growing population of imbeciles means my job will be secure forever, but at least I (usually!) get to stay at arm’s length from them. StellaAwards.com is the place for the ridiculous-but-true lawsuit writeups. There’s nothing there, however, about gospel music. Really.

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5 Comments on “A Failure to Grasp Reality

  1. Ha, just wait until there is a crazy lawsuit involving gospel music. Then you might get even more crazy people calling.

    I’ll have to get an unlisted number! -rc

  2. When I read your blog about the woman not comprehending she had the wrong site and yet pursuing the matter to such an extent, I was reminded of my days as a 9-1-1 dispatcher in the suburbs of Chicago. I was working the dayshift when the 9-1-1 line rang. When I answered, “9-1-1, what is your emergency?” a woman on the other end asked for the phone number to a library in another suburb.

    I calmly explained that she needed to dial 4-1-1 for that information to which she proceeded to argue with me and tried to tell me that 4-1-1 is for emergencies!! After going back and forth for several minutes (thankfully, no other emergency calls were going on at the time) I finally asked her if she would like me to have a police officer come to her house to demonstrate the difference between 4-1-1 and 9-1-1. She paused, letting what I said sink in, presumably, before replying politely “no thank you” and hung up.

  3. It could be worse — certain British accents add an ‘r’ at the end of certain words. Ask ’em about the children’s book Angelina Ballerina and they might reply, “Angelinar Ballerinar? The kids love ‘er!”

    I can picture such a conversation. “Did you mean the Stella Awards?” “Right, then, isn’t that what I said — the Stellar Awards?”

  4. Apropos of the pronunciation comment, we here in RI go both ways. People here get idee-ers all the time.

    On the other hand, I had a friend whose last name I did not know ended “er” rather than the “ah” I had known him by until I read his name on a placard at his funeral!

    The possible conversations boggle the mind:

    Who would know????

  5. Not a Retail Clerk, but have similar issues.

    I work in ISP Tech Support, we get lots of really dumb people thru on a daily basis, I’m not talking about the people who have no idea about computers here, I’m talking about the people who should know better.

    My favourites are always the people who call in with a connection issue and claim something like this “I am a router engineer, and there is nothing wrong with my router, my issue is caused by you/your ISP, so just check and confirm for me there is an issue from your end!! NOW!!”. Of course I check, most times it’s not an issue from our end. “Explain we don’t do router support, ask nicely if they can plug modem directly to computer” after 2 – 3 minutes of arguing, get my way and look, Internet works fine. It’s a router issue.

    9 times out of 10, the person doesn’t thank us for showing them what’s wrong, or getting them back online, mostly they either hang up on us or start another argument. Seriously it might be harder to direct an 80 year old grandmother thru setting up her email, but it’s so much more satisfying because they are grateful and you have done something to help someone who really needs it.

    Yeah it can be frustrating, some calls just make you forget the morons.


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