Story Archive

And Some Poor Bastard Had to Arrest Him

Gordon Flavia, 56, of Longview, Wash., got into his car at his condominium building, put it into reverse, and “floored it at a high rate of speed,” says Longview Police Sgt. Doug Kazensky. Flavia took out a carport support beam, punched through a wall, and came to rest in a bathroom. He got out and ran, police say, to a nearby business. There, police note, he stepped into a portable toilet, poured a bucket of human waste over himself, and hid. Police quickly found him anyway, and asked why he dumped the bucket on himself. Because, he replied, “he thought the dogs were coming, and he was trying to throw off the scent,” Kazensky said. “It smelled bad.” Another officer noted, “It looks like alcohol was involved.” (RC/Longview Daily News) ...One would hope!