Story Archive

Warning — Non-Redeemable Human Ahead

Sirgiorgiro Clardy, 26, of Portland, Ore., has been convicted of assault in a beating so brutal, he has been sentenced to 100 years in prison. He had forced a woman into prostitution, and when one of her customers allegedly tried to leave without paying her, Clardy stomped on the man’s face repeatedly, robbed him, and, for good measure, also beat on the 18-year-old woman until she bled from her ears. A psychologist testified that he was a psychopath who was 100 percent likely to commit violent crimes again. From his prison cell, Clardy has now sued Nike and various company executives, because there was no warning label on his Jordan sneakers to inform him that they could be considered a “dangerous weapon” if used to stomp on someone’s face. “Under product liability there is a certain standard of care that is required to be up-held by potentially dangerous product,” Clardy wrote in the lawsuit, which he filed without an attorney. “Do to the fact that these defendants named in this Tort claim failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction it has caused him personal injury in the likes of mental suffering.” The lawsuit demands $100 million in compensation. (RC/Portland Oregonian) ...The only missing warning label in this story is the one that should have been permanently affixed to Clardy’s forehead the moment he turned 18.