It’s another story that absolutely demands the accompanying illustration — in this case, a mug shot. But trust me: read the story first! It’s from True’s 20 November 2011 issue:

Paging Jennifer Lopez

Oneal Ron Morris came up with a special concoction — a combination of cement, mineral oil, and Super Glue — which he brought to “pumping parties,” according to police in Miami Gardens, Fla. At such events, Morris allegedly injected people’s buttocks with his formula to round them out. Police got on Morris’s trail after a woman allegedly treated by Morris nearly died when his so-called “Fix-a-Flat” material spread through her body, leading to infections; she is still recovering. The 30-year-old victim, who paid $700 for the procedure, was “screaming in pain” and made Morris stop, police say. It took months for investigators to catch up to him, but when he was arrested for practicing medicine without a license and causing bodily harm, officers were so shocked by his appearance, they took full-length mug shots. It’s not that Morris is a man who looks like a woman, but rather that Morris had apparently been using the goo on himself: he has a gigantic butt. (RC/Miami Herald) …Whereas most men arrested for hurting women are gigantic asses.

And for the Astounding Mug Shot

(Warning! Be sure to swallow your coffee/other beverage before scrolling down!)




Oneal Ron Morris's mug shot

Then It Gets Weird

The odd part? I had two butt-plumping stories this week, but I pulled the other one because it really paled in comparison to this one.

The second was about how federal authorities began an investigation after an exotic dancer from Baltimore, Md., was diagnosed with silicone in her lungs(!!). The silicone was traced back to injections the unidentified woman received in her buttocks, allegedly given to her by Kimberly Smedley, 45, of Georgia.

The dancer said she went to Smedley’s hotel room in Washington, D.C., for the injections, which cost $4,000. Investigators don’t know how many potential victims there are, but they found records showing Smedley had rented rooms in that one Washington hotel alone more than 100 times over 18 months. She has been arrested.

The crazy thing isn’t that there are two such cases, but rather to consider these are two that authorities have found out about — and, of course, that there are that many people willing to go to hotel rooms and back alley “clinics” to be injected with unknown substances by people of unknown training and ability.

Well, that and the concept that skinny people with gargantuan asses is somehow “beautiful”….

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33 Comments on “Fix-a-Flat

  1. Just seems to be that there should be something criminal about anyone who PAYS for such “treatment” to be done to them. Used to be, Darwinian Selection would resolve such problems.

    That’s still the law: people have died from such treatments. -rc

  2. WHY on earth would anyone want to do this to themselves? If my practitioner looked like this, I would have run the other way. lol

  3. I did a double take when I saw the photo here… because I stumbled across it earlier today at a most unlikely source of “hard” news: The Weekly World News (The World’s Only Reliable News)!

    The home of Bat Boy, Alien Mummies, and “Tim Tebow Converts to Judaism” actually covered this story as well. Randy, do you ever rely on WWN for any of your weird but true stories? 😉

    Well, you know I don’t, but I’m wondering about your reading habits now! 🙂 -rc

  4. “It took months for investigators to catch up to HIM, but when HE was arrested for practicing medicine without a license…”

    Is the pronoun incorrect, or did HE also inject himself in the chest?

    Ya hafta read it all, including “… officers were so shocked by his appearance, they took full-length mug shots. It’s not that Morris is a man who looks like a woman, but rather….” -rc

  5. When I read this story earlier today in the paper, they referred to Morris as someone who “was born a man but now identifies as a woman” and used female pronouns to refer to her throughout the story, including in the headline. I’m curious, Randy, if your source used male pronouns and used the phrase “man who looks like a woman”, and if your source used female pronouns, would you use them for her?

    (BTW, I”m a believer that if a person identifies as a particular gender, then we should at least respect their choice and refer to them as that gender. I’m not saying that you were the one who didn’t pay them that respect, I suspect it was more your source and that you were unaware that she is someone who “refers to herself as a woman” rather than being a “man who [just] looks like a woman”.)

    I generally also use the person’s preference, but with keeping the name “Ron” it wasn’t clear what that preference was. The (female) newspaper reporter avoided pronouns (preferring “Morris”), but looking at the source article again, I do now see two uses of “her”, which I didn’t notice while writing. -rc

  6. Good Golly, Miss Molly!

    I was impressed (ahem) by the witches brew ingredients. Simply staggering.

    I wonder why the investigators took so long to catch up with “him”. I will grant you the result is not what one would expect.

    Good tagline, BTW.

  7. I understand that it’s the law to prosecute someone for performing such a “service.” It just seems that it should also be a criminal act for others to PAY someone to do that to them. (They do that for drug possession.) Used to be that Darwinian Selection would serve as a horrible warning when people died from it, but what with medical treatment now sparing people from the consequences of their choices, apparently it’s no longer effective.

    Of course, I’m being somewhat facetious. There will never be a shortage of people willing to do dumb things. I’m living proof.

    Wouldn’t your wife be better proof? (Ducking, running, giggling like a maniac.) -rc

  8. First, I’m glad that those two are out of work for now anyway, but y’all know our justice system is sometimes broken. But The fact is, most transgendered people are excluded from insurance coverage. If they are even accepted as a policy holder in the first place, there is a blanket exclusion to the treatments being paid. These women, and men in some cases, have a sense of desperation to make their outward selves better reflect their inner sense of who he or she is. It’s expensive for even the cheapest treatment, Breast augmentation costs between $3,000 to $7,000, electrolysis for hair removal is usually $75.00 per hour and takes an average of 150 hours on the beard areas alone, let alone the “bottom surgery” which costs about $20,000 that would have to be paid “out of pocket”. Add these costs to the fact that most male to female transsexuals lose their job as soon as they begin to make their transition, and who of you would be strong enough and courageous enough to hire one? Honestly answer to yourself, if to no one else. So, the question is how to fix the system so that they have legitimate jobs with health care benefits that can help not having to resort to this unsafe, and sometimes deadly practice of back ally “pumpers”? It takes a nation to come together to stand for what is right.

    Who is courageous enough to hire one? Me. Well, actually, I’ve used two different people (one M-F, one F-M) for work, simply because they were good at what they did. I care about their quality of work, not what’s in their pants. -rc

  9. When I was a young sailor stationed in the Philippines in the 1960s, getting a venereal disease resulted in Medical Restriction for one or two weeks, presumably so you wouldn’t spread it before being cured.

    One of my buddies began to drip from gonorrhea and, not wanting to be restricted to the base, went to a “doctor” in town for a penicillin shot. Instead, he got a shot in the butt with what was later identified as “probably Pet Milk.” They must look similar in a syringe, so the quack was going for a look of authenticity. Swell.

    Needless to say, Pet Milk doesn’t cure the clap, so after about a week, my buddy had to turn himself in to Sick Call, anyway. They treated him for the VD and for a fair-to-middlin’ infection at the injection site. Lesson learned.

  10. Wow, babe! What a wide load!!!!

    And no one questioned her “credentials” based on that?

    “A fool and his money are soon parted.”

    I think the “wide load” were her “credentials”! -rc

  11. “It’s not that Morris is a man who looks like a woman….”

    I have to ask.

    You think those breasts are fake?

    Come to think of it, as John Lennon asked; “How do you sleep?”

    (And… Did she fill up the syringe FROM her own ass?)

    Mind busy boggling, fingers on autopilot.

    The breasts? Pure concrete. Firm! -rc

  12. And to think that I’ve been dieting for the past 18 months to get RID of “saddlebags” like that! Do you suppose anyone told Morris how impossible it is to sit on an airplane with that wide of a behind?

  13. And to think, when form-fitting stretch britches instead of old-fashioned flared ones came out in the mid 1960s, the advice to the wise was: Those with flared thighs do not wear stretch britches.”

  14. If he looked like that you have to wonder about the intelligence/sanity of women that paid for him to do the same to them…I mean, I realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but that’s just crazy.

  15. What I can’t believe is that anyone would buy a procedure which claimed to improve your looks from someone as seriously in need of such a procedure as that …. Thing.

    Clearly, there are some people who think that looks great. I’m just not one of them. (I roll my eyes at gigantically inflated boobs, too….) -rc

  16. This may have started out as an effort to “firm up” those sagging areas, but considering cement was part of the formula, how much does this person now weigh? I suspect that joint problems are in this person’s near future (perhaps already?). No, not that kind of joint. Well, all right, maybe.

  17. This moron AND “his” customers really reinforce the saying that THERE’S AN ASS FOR EVERY SEAT!!! And in MORE ways than one!! I’d say they DESERVE EACH OTHER!!!

    OK, but why are you yelling? -rc

  18. Everybody commenting seems to equate cement to concrete. The most common usage of the word is Portland cement. But cement can also refer to adhesives and glues — that is material that I believe was in his concoction. Portland type cement would harden and be totally impractical and undesirable since people want the butt to be soft and pliable; whereas a soft glue would have the desirable texture. (Think silicone glue.)

  19. EEE–GADS—Another Wal-Mart shopper- when will this stupidity in people stop? —I guess never- I really have to wonder—— did these people come from the low end of the gene pool?

  20. I’m aghast that anyone in the US would seek out a method to make your butt big other than the traditional method. If you have a few grand to burn, certainly you can afford to spend it on food.

    P.S. george in ontario — that is a slur against Wal-Mart shoppers, and I say that despite not being one.

  21. Ohmigawd! My jaw dropped in astonishment and disbelief. Just when you think reality can’t get any weirder, it gets downright bizarre. Thanks for the warning and not eating or drinking before viewing, Randy! You saved some lives today. 😉

  22. I didn’t see anyone comment on your heading, “Paging Jennifer Lopez”. Have you seen Jennifer lately? I wonder where her butt went since it’s no longer big like it used to be. I know she has a personal trainer, etc., but I didn’t think exercise alone could accomplish miracles like that.

    I actually haven’t seen her lately. One can’t “spot reduce” a body part, but perhaps she has lost a lot of weight in general with her new exercise routine. -rc


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