Udderly Ridiculous Photos

[Updated] Sometimes the photo that goes with a story is funnier than the story. Sometimes the story is pretty good all by itself. This one, from the 19 October 2008 issue, is a toss-up: I’m not sure which part is funnier. But then it happened again, and then again! We start with the first story:

Udderly Ridiculous

Police in Middletown, Ohio, responded to a disturbance and found Michelle Allen, 32, running around the street wearing a cow suit. They advised her to go home. Instead, she impeded traffic, chased children, and urinated on a resident’s porch, so officers felt they had no choice but to arrest her. Allen, who police say smelled of alcohol, was given a month in jail for disorderly conduct. (RC/Oxford Press) …A cow suit? Funny, but she was acting more like a horse’s ass.

Wait! Don’t scroll down yet!

Put down your milk (or coffee) before scrolling to view the two photos (but go slow enough that you see one at a time. Trust me: it’s worth it. Really.




Here’s her mug shot, courtesy of the Middletown Police:

But Wait, There’s More

Police mug shot cameras are generally set up to get an arrestee’s face, but there was more to this case than that:

And Still More!

History repeated itself almost exactly 10 years later, this time in Arkansas (and with a different variation in the suit). From True’s 28 October 2018 issue:

Udder Contempt

Curry’s Cowsuit. I would also decline her offer.

As a police officer in Pine Bluff, Ark., was searching Ashley Curry, 27, after she allegedly shoplifted nose spray at a Walmart store, she “stuck out her stomach area and told me I could ‘suck a pink cow udder’,” the officer noted in his report. Uh, is that a threat? A bribe? Unclear, but it was apparently related to what she was wearing: a black-and-white cow costume. Yes, it had an udder, and yes, the officer took an evidence photo. Curry was taken to jail “and given a new black-and-white outfit, this one with stripes.” She was released after posting $1,520 bail. (RC/KATV Little Rock) …It was not reported whether she left wearing stripes or spots.

And Still Another

The trend is picking up: the next one wasn’t even four years later, though it’s about time a Florida Man got into the mix! From the 26 June 2022 issue:

The Divine Bovine

The Okeechobee County (Fla.) Sheriff’s Office raided a “drug house” with a search warrant and made ten arrests. One suspect was dressed so remarkably that a deputy stood him handcuffed on the front lawn for a full-length photo. Richard Anthony Bonnell was wearing a one-piece cow suit with a pink hat, collar, and cuffs, and was, deputies said, “udder-ly confused.” (RC/WSVN Miami) …Sure he’s confused: there is no udder.

Except for the first one, you can click the photos to see them larger.

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41 Comments on “Udderly Ridiculous Photos

  1. Udderly outstanding.

    I hope she milks the publicity for all the juice she can.

    You can say the kids were cowed.

    Next stop, the moo-vies.

    At least when she is in county, she has half of the bedtime “milk & cookies” well in hand.

    Did she also leave a quart of milk on the porch?

    There are always bulls around, except when you need one. (But … always a steady supply of bull—- :^)

    She missed the boat to Spain and the Running of the Bulls.

    I should stop milking this cow…

  2. Fair enough, you *did* place the viewing tips warning about putting down my coffee before viewing.

    But you placed the warning *after* the link. Of course, I didn’t see the warning until after the coffee spew.

  3. I have a picture of my daughter “milking” a friend in just such a cow suit. However, (1) it’s cute when they’re both 6 years old, and (2) it’s not being spread on the ‘net. (On the other hand, why they picked Kevin to wear the suit, I don’t know.)

  4. Sigh… Once again my home town has made us proud and been featured in This is True. I wonder, if a study was done, how high Middletown, Ohio would rank in most features based on population. The 2000 Census has Middletown at 51,605. I know of at least three times the city has been in This is True.

  5. Are those things what the police often refer to as “identifying characteristics”??

    And, I thought it wasn’t kosher to publish unclothed picture of “those things”. You might want to warn that children might suffer permanent psychological damage from looking at that second picture.

  6. Moo Moo, I love you….I know that you’re a cow, but anything will doooooo.
    Apologies to Jonathon Brandmeier, songwriter.

  7. I Feel for her! Usually, I feel for a slim and petite, young woman but….

    This be an Exception!

    I Hope This Woman Understands that the “Black Cow” is a Classic Ice Cream Confection…!

    I Thank Her! I would Love to Meet Her!

    Now that you mention it, indeed it does sound like you’ve been drinking too! -rc

    • I’m glad I waited two seconds before taking a sip of my coke BEFORE reading your post! Coke and keyboards don’t mix! Very funny!

  8. The story wasn’t even all that interesting as compared to some of the other ones… but that photo just takes the cake. It’s akin to Jabba the Hutt in a cow suit… how attractive!

    Yep, the story is a bit ordinary, but I had to run with it since the mug shots make it so extraordinary! -rc

  9. It appears she had a beef with someone. To err is human but to forgive is bovine.

    She is not a nice person. I would steak my reputation on it.

    Oh no that Heffa did-ent!!

  10. First the story was amusing, then the photos were hilarious, and the comments have been icing on the cake. Thanks for a good laugh!

    All I can say is, “cowabunga, baby!”

  11. The most ridiculous in the story is the punishment she got. She just had a sad drunk escapade (why laugh about such sadness?) and received a MONTH in jail? Maybe it is something American that I don’t understand. It is way out of proportion.

    If this was her first offense (the story doesn’t tell) than it would have been best to stick her in jail for the night and parade her back to her house the next morning.

    The source story didn’t say whether it was her first offense or not. If forced to guess, I’d guess not, though. It also depends on what they mean by “chased children.” Also, a sentence of a month in jail doesn’t mean she’ll spend a month in jail; it’s fairly typical to let people out for “good behavior” and such, and I wouldn’t be surprised if part of it was to give her time to go through an alcohol treatment program. All in all, it’s hard to tell since the source story was so lacking in detail. Finally, her behavior is laughable. I see nothing wrong with laughing at ridiculous public behavior. -rc

  12. I should’ve learned by now that when you give such a specific warning concerning beverages, I should take heed. Sadly, this time I failed to do so. Lesson learned, mess cleaned up and a new adage to live by: Always listen to Randy and its corollary: Just do as Randy says.

    Your feline namesake, Lil’ Randy, helped me by licking up some spilled coffee and taught me even more: Cats on caffeine are insane. He climbed the drapes and I’m going to let him stay up there until his buzz wears off. Not sure whether it was the caffeine or the photo that sent him around the bend.

  13. Cow suit halloween costume: $35.00.
    One case of Budweiser: $30.00.
    Having your mug shot posted on the internet: Priceless!

  14. Come on. She don’t look all that bad–udders and all. If you want to see something that is both funny and really sad, check out Amy Winehouse’s mug shot.

    Winehouse’s is nothing compared to Kumari Fulbright’s. -rc

  15. Thanks so much for posting a wonderful (public) record of this event. How funny. I AM surprised though that they shot her photo with the head portion of the outfit on.

  16. According to initial reports I read in the online newspapers, she apparently repeatedly yelled drunkenly at the police trying to catch and subdue her, “Suck my udders”!

    I haven’t seen anything since then about the yelling.

  17. Did the cops check to make sure that “Michelle” is the correct name? Looks like “Michael” would be more appropriate – looks like a man to me.

    Boy, you’d think a Texan would be able to tell a cow from a bull! It’s a woman. -rc

  18. Thanks so much for the warning about not having liquids on board before viewing the photos! But please extend that warning to the comments. Red Rooibos tea wreaks just as much havoc as coffee on an unsuspecting keyboard. My husband is legally blind, so I read him the stories, and then the comments, if he’s interested. He didn’t see the guffaw coming as I read the comments, and had a little “accident”. We all recovered, and will continue to enjoy your excellent newsletter.

  19. Good lord, she even had the suit on backwards.

    You know, I’ve deleted a bunch of comments just like this, since it’s obvious that it’s not backwards: top photo, her arms are behind her; bottom photo, her arms are behind her. Not to mention that the pattern matches exactly, so it’s really clear that the udders are not on her back side. Yet the comments continue. OK: I’ll let this one go through, but color me perplexed that so many are insisting it’s wrong. But: why the heck do you think so?! -rc

  20. I’m just as confused as you Randy. The first comment I read was the one about the suit being on backwards. I had to go back up and look at the photos. Then I had to read all the comments to see WHY??? anyone would think the suit was on backwards. That’s just too funny! Kudos to the comment about the “drunk and disudderly conduct.” That’s my favorite!

  21. Randy, the suit is not backwards so much as upside down. (Her head should be in the suits rear-end to match the intelligence of the act)…

  22. I feel bad laughing. I worked at the Middletown library and she used to come in all the time. She and her family were a bit of a sad case. One of the funny things, though, was that she’d get on the computer and show her friends her mug shot! Hey, she made CNN, that’s a big deal.

    Fame comes in all flavors, I guess! -rc

  23. This may lead to a new entry in the “no longer weird” list.

    Maybe, but it doesn’t happen all THAT often! Yet…. -rc


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